Two days until the day after tomorrow is twelve days from now

Maybe you should stand up. Maybe I shouldn't think about buying chicken and thinking "What the fuck did I buy this for" I don't eat meat." Maybe it has something to do with my family. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are reading this and I typed it is gonna cause the end of the world. What if I am the guy who ends it all? What if I am the person who inexplicably and unexpectedly brings about the total destruction of the earth? There could be people in the future who are waiting for the end of the world and are planning to travel back in time to stop me by any means necessary to keep the earth from being destroyed and completely ruining their chances of finally asking out that one girl who seems really nice but they weren't sure if she would be into them and therefore never really said anything. That would be really weird. This coming from a guy who builds dioramas in his bedroom and films plastic dinosaur figures he bought at target to make a stop motion movie. I found this great site online for e-cards and one of them has a picture of OJ Simpson on it and the line for it says "I am going to kill you." I think that is hilarious and don't care if it sends me to hell, but I am gonna send it to someone sometime soon. So, watch out friends of mine for you may be the one who soon gets an electronic letter from me with a non serious death threat in it. Oh, won't that be fun!(unexplained exclamation points) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the future we are gonna wear hats that show movie trailers of our favorite films. I have a fog on my brain form thinking way too much lately. Having twelve thousand thoughts on the brain is like making a paper mache horse, filling it full of candy, and never breaking it open with a bat that you are swinging about blindfolded putting others who are watching you in your futility in serious danger of a concussion or at the very least the loss of sight in one eye.
Twelve days ago I realized my obsession with the number twelve. Hence my use of it over twelve times so far in this blog. Shampoo. I just realized that I made a joke that only few people will know. Two of which(not twelve, HAHAHA! Take that!) will not most likely ever read this blog.
Two guys walk into a bar and order drinks. SOmebody yells at them and they tell the guy to shut the fuck up they are trying to drink for Christ's sake. THe guy who yelled pulls out a knife and stabs one of the guys. The other holds his friend while he bleeds to death on the bar floor. That wasn't a joke in any way. Just a horribly lame and tragic story. It started out as something that most people would think is going to be a joke, but instead I turned it around and made it into something else. Good for me. dAVE, the joke re-mixer. I turn jokes into tragedies. I make you cry when all you wanna do is laugh. Or is that me all the time on the inside where no one can see? Weird. Maybe you should buy some new drapes and just go crazy with the motherfuckers. Don't even put them on your windows. Put one on like a cape and use the other to catch invisible hamsters that are the size of ostriches. At least ell people that is what you are doing when they ask you why the fuck you wandering around with a drape on you like a cape and the other in your hands like you are teasing a raging bull. The Kevin Costner movie, not the animal. That would be cruel. Of course, what is more cruel, forcing an animal to be teased and taunted and shot with small spears or forcing the american public to watch another god damn Kevin Costner movie. Waterworld sucked enough for three generations of movie-goers.
BEHOLD!!!!!!!!!! The tales of TWELVE generations of mighty coffee makers who wore hats made of yarn in a place that used fire to roast beans. Man, were they stupid. This has gone on long enough they would say. How can we make coffee in yarn hats and yet not catch fire like every five fucking seconds. It's always one of us running around going I'm on fire! I'm on fire! Then we gotta stop making coffee and put somebody out again. It's really fucking annoying. That was from the plant managers point of view. That would be a very frustrating job. Being the idiot in charge of the idiots wearing hats made of yarn while using a flame-throwers made of candy canes. Didn't I mention that? Well, fuck shit fuck ass fuck swearing for the sake of sake drinking fish name ted feaslesticks.

Well, fuck, I think I'm done. Long winded enough for you this time?